Now, that I had to write my script, I completely understood how helpful can be a treatment while writing the script. The first thing is that I had to be careful at the layout and format, because it is really important. The most important parts of a script are: dialogue, names and actions, which must be typed and laid out distinctively, in order to be easy to tell them apart. Like I did with the treatment, I started to read some scripts in order to familiarise with them.
It’s not like everybody thinks. A script is not only about dialogue, and I’ve realised it when I started writing. A script is also about details regarding time, place, characters. You must describe them as detailed as possible in order to make a good script. My script, has a lot of dialogue, due to the fact that I had to include in 3 pages, all the action. I believe that I should have gave more details about the places and the characters, but I didn’t have more space.
It took me almost a week to write it and finish it. I read it loud several times to see exactly if I like how it sounds, and I’ve kinda liked it. I believe that is pretty good, considering that is my first one. I definitely believe that I would improve my work, and later on I will do better scripts.
INT. POLICE STATION – THURSDAY EVENING
It is coffee time. After a rainy day, the clouds begin to scatter. It is a relaxed atmosphere, due to the fact that no crime was reported for several days. Some cops gathered to talk. They are all dressed quite simple, and they seem to be bored.
Hey guys! What’s up? Are you enjoying the moments of silence?
TONY, a colleague
Yeah. Some peaceful days are always welcome.
Hope that it will last at least 2 or 3 more days, until something bad happens.
You’ll never know. This city is so unpredictable.
Would you come for a beer with us tonight? We’re celebrating CHUCK’s promotion.
Yeah. Why not? I only have to fill in some papers and I’m done.
The phone is ringing. MARK goes to answer the phone.
Fingers crossed. Hopefully not bad news… I barely wait to get out tonight.
LA Police. Detective MARK MORGAN at the phone. With what can I help you?
STRANGER (he can barely talk)
Beverly Boulevard number 28, Mystique Club…I am shot in the back. Please help us
In the background are screams and gunshots.
Stay calm. Tell me your name please. We will be right there.
The phone connection was interrupted. Busy tone.
Guys, come on. We don’t have time to lose. We need to get as quickly as we can at Mystique club. Our moments of silence are over now. If I’m right the owner of this club is ANGEL LAGUERTA, the head of the mob.
Do you think that we need back up?
Certainly. Send there 5 police cars. You, you and you are coming with me.
INT. POLICE CAR – THURSDAY EVENING
MARK is driving. He is very nervous. He doesn’t says a word all the way there. He is thinking at a plan, but he doesn’t know exactly at what to expect.
EXT. MISTIQUE CLUB – THURSDAY EVENING
Four of you come inside with me. We’ll enter the building through the back entrance. The others, surround the building, and make sure that no one manages to escape.
INT. MISTIQUE CLUB – THURSDAY EVENING
Be careful at your steps and don’t say any word. We should split. I’ll go this way.
A tall man, is patrolling on the main hall. MARK goes behind his back, and with a quick and precise move, hits him very hard in his had, with the gun. The man remains unconscious on the floor.
Going further, MARK hears some screams in the distance, and than a thick voice from one of the rooms. He recognises it. Its ANGEL LAGUERTA. His face turns red, and his heart starts beating really fast. The door is slightly opened. He takes a quick look, waits a few seconds and than he enters the room, pointing ANGEL with a gun.
LA police! Drop the bag and slowly put your hands behind your head. You’re arrested.
In the next second, ANGEL’S bodyguard comes in and stabbers MARK.
We should hurry! Its full of cops outside.
You can’t catch me. I have too many people by my side.
You won’t get away with this.
MARK pretends to faint in order to distract their attention. When they head to the door, MARK shots the bodyguard, than he manages to stand up.
ANGEL, stay were you are or I’ll shot you. You know I will, so don’t make something stupid.
While he threatens ANGEL with the gun, he puts him the handcuffs.
Be a smart boy and let me free. If you put me in jail, my man will find out who you are and you’ll regret this for the rest of your life. I promise.
Everybody says that. But the truth is that you’ll rot in jail.
EXT. MISTIQUE CLUB – THURSDAY EVENING
MARK leaves the building, and surrenders ANGEL LAGUERTA to the other cops. An ambulance takes him to the hospital, for a small surgery and he spends the night there.
INT. MARK’S HOUSE – FRIDAY MORNING
The phone is ringing.
Hello! Hello? Anybody there?
I’m your worst nightmare. I know everything about you and your family. Get ANGEL LAGUERTA out of jail, or you and your family will be dead.
Who was on the phone sweetie?
It was a mistake babe.
INT. MARK’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM – FRIDAY EVENING
The TV is on. On the table is an opened bottle of wine.
You know darling, I almost never tell you how much I love you. But I want you to know that you are everything for me.
I love you too.
Suddenly there is a hammering on the door.
I’ll get it.
MARK’s sister was lying breathless in front of his house. The mob made their first victim… Now the hunter became the prey… Who’s going to be next?
MARK is now holding his sister’s breathless body in his arms.
I’ll promise you that this is not over. I will revenge you sis, I swear.